4th of July

This is my second unique experience for 4th of July and the military. A couple years ago I went to survival school so that I could better understand the soldiers and airmen who go through a lot of stress. In survival school we run around the mountains for a few days pretending that we are trying to escape from a plane crash. After a while you get caught and held in "prison" for a few days where they do all kinds of stuff to mess with your head. After a couple of days of "lessons" we were "released." I can't give a lot of details, but at the end they surprised us all by raising the American flag over the capture site and having us salute while the national anthem was played. After weeks of hearing stories of POWs and having lived through pretend scenarios on my own, it was touching to see the flag and feel the relief of having it all over. That day was July 4th 2006.

Today I flew a flag over the place where I am working. I also took it with me on my flights around the country. I am not usually one for dramatics, but it has flown in the face of people who hate deeply. In a few months I will bring it home and put it in a shadow box with all of my other memories of my time in the military including this July 4th 2009

I am also honored to wear dog tags. There is something humbling and solemn about wearing the same kind of tags that have been used for over 50 years to identify the bodies of soldiers killed in battle. In a way they feel holy or sacred to me. I have been meeting with a couple of the soldiers who were injured in the rocket attack on our base. I work with them and although I am not here as a mental health doc, I want to use the skills I have to help where I can.

Today I spent about an hour with a former marine who is now in the Army. He has been in Afghanistan and in Iraq. It changed him. He saw the poverty of the children in Afghanistan, the children running barefoot with over-calloused feet through a small village that - due to war - had no men between 14 and 70.

He was in Iraq and found some of the torture chambers that were used there. He is haunted by the look that he saw in the eyes of the people he freed that day and the scars they bore. He has nightmares and anxiety attacks. A couple of weeks ago I sat next to him outside against a crumbling Soviet wall as he shook uncontrollably from a panic attack. Today he told me how he thought he was going to hell for the people he killed.

Sometimes it is so hard to stay neutral as a doctor. My heart breaks for this kid who was 20 years old when he had to kill. It changed him. It changed him for the good and for the bad. He is getting better. I have been helping him along for the past month and I am hopeful that he can return home to his wife with a deeper love of life.

We certainly have our own idiots and crazy people - I can think of two that I want to knock in the head from time to time. But you can be proud of the soldiers, marines, sailors and airmen who are out here. They are good people. They hurt for the children, they are haunted by the things they see.

I don't know what is going on with the pictures and the blog. I blame Andrea - she broke it. Just so you know, we are not exactly living on scraps out here. This was a dinner that included steak, shrimp, crab legs and prime rib. The place is the D-FAC or Dining Facility. But we all call it the D-FAT.

Lastly, my lovely wife sent my guitar out here. It is such a pleasure to sit back, relax and play some music. This deployment sometimes feels like camping (haute cuisine aside). The guitar just ads to the ambiance. We are thinking about writing a musical about our time here. We already have a few songs. I think it might be the first musical that has to be classified Top Secret. So maybe i will be famous after all - not that anyone will know. You will just have to take my word that it is really, really good.